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Military Intelligence

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by bazcom, Jun 5, 2006.

  1. bazcom

    bazcom New Member

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    Military Intelligence
    "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
    least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of
    your unit."
    - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

    "Aim toward the Enemy."
    - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

    "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
    - U.S. Marine Corps

    "Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are
    guaranteed to always hit the ground."
    - USAF Ammo Troop

    "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
    - Infantry Journal

    "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
    bombed."
    - U.S. Air Force Manual

    "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
    encountered automatic weapons."
    - General Macarthur

    "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
    - Infantry Journal

    "You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
    - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

    "Tracers work both ways."
    - U.S. Army Ordnance

    "Five second fuses only last three seconds."
    - Infantry Journal

    "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
    volunteer to do anything."
    - U.S. Navy Swabbie

    "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
    - David Hackworth

    "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
    - Infantry Journal

    "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
    - Joe Gay

    "Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."

    "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
    - Unknown Marine Recruit

    "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
    - Your Buddies

    "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
    - USAF Ammo Troop

    "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I
    am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
    - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan

    "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
    - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

    "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

    "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
    submarines in the sky."
    - From an old carrier sailor

    "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
    helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

    "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
    power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

    "Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying
    club."

    "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
    If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up... The pilot
    dies."

    "Never trade luck for skill."

    The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation
    are: "Why is it doing that?," "Where are we?" And "Oh ####!"

    "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

    "Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot
    pregnant."

    "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully
    complete the flight."

    "A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a
    row is prevarication."

    "I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

    "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

    "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
    purpose of storing dead batteries."

    "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
    person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about
    it."

    "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
    kill you."
    - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

    "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to
    its maximum."
    - Jon McBride, astronaut

    "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
    crash as possible."
    - Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

    "Never fly in the same ****pit with someone braver than you."

    "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign
    over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970 "If something
    hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

    Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go
    near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the
    appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
    It is much more difficult to fly there."

    "You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
    power to taxi to the terminal."

    As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn
    off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives,
    the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?"
    The pilot's reply: "I don't know; I just got here myself!"
    - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
     
  2. NORTI

    NORTI Crazy VS lady

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    NICE!!! lmao some of them are gold


    D.
     
  3. TheForgotten

    TheForgotten only human......

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    heard them before but still funny as hell
     
  4. Fekason

    Fekason Fekason

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    Pearls of Wisdom?

    Some are pearls of wisdom.

    "Friendly fire isn't" was always my favoutite.
     
  5. minux

    minux Infidel Bear

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    This is also printed on pretty much every countries arm's, also on claymores as well :)
     
  6. Wombat

    Wombat New Member

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    I was going to make the comment about Claymore mines as well. It says "Face This Side Towards Enemy".

    But yeah, there is a lot of common-sense stuff in that post. I love the SR-71 comment.

    There are other similar ones, such as "Walk fast, look serious, and no-one will bother stopping you to ask what you are doing", and "If you carry a clipboard and look worried, no-one will ask what you are doing".
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2006
  7. Patrio7

    Patrio7 3Y3 K4N 5P33K 1337.

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    If it moves, salute it, if it doesnt, paint it.

    some comedy.
     

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