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Open it and count them yourself

Pretender

Brain function fading .
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Answers to some frequently asked questions regarding health.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one. Sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain = Good. Or better yet.....No Pain = No Pain.
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach!
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable!!! It's the best 'feel-good' food around!
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Glad I could help you out![/FONT]



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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If at first you don't succeed, try management.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The beatings will continue until morale improves[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif].[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]We waste time, so you don't have to.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Succeed in spite of management.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment[/FONT]


Testing Windscreens

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Scientists in Australia have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windscreens of airliners and military jets. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windscreens.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windscreens of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to pieces, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Horrified the Americans sent the Aussie Scientists the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the scientists for suggestions.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The response was, "Defrost the chooks first"[/FONT]
 
Last edited:

semi

GOD
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saw the chicken one on mythbusters, and they found it plausible
 
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