Welcome to Just Commodores, a site specifically designed for all people who share the same passion as yourself.

New Posts Contact us

Just Commodores Forum Community

It takes just a moment to join our fantastic community

Register

Read this if u like Chuck Norris!!!

sganro

i speak before i think
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
398
Reaction score
3
Points
0
Location
NQ
Members Ride
yet another VS
My brother sent me this list about chuck norris. haha


-Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
-When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy sh*t! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
 

88GreenVN

Next Exit Left
Joined
Jun 12, 2006
Messages
6,795
Reaction score
132
Points
63
Age
57
Location
Surprise, Arizona
Members Ride
Dodge Ram Van 1500 5.2 V8
Ya missed one
"Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun".

that one really made me laugh.
 

sganro

i speak before i think
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
398
Reaction score
3
Points
0
Location
NQ
Members Ride
yet another VS
hahaha yeah thats a good one
 

BANGERS88

New Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2005
Messages
221
Reaction score
3
Points
0
Location
Hobart
Members Ride
1990 Toyota Starlet GT, turbo.
hehe
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
 

Patrio7

3Y3 K4N 5P33K 1337.
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
1,269
Reaction score
25
Points
0
Age
35
Location
Perth, Como
Members Ride
'96 S1 VS Exec
chuck norris kick started the first big bang
 

azkwazere

Ahhh Yes, Ahhh Yes....
Joined
May 30, 2005
Messages
1,813
Reaction score
38
Points
0
Age
33
Location
.....SE Burbs
Members Ride
VP 5-SPD / 24-SPD Racer Hybrid
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.

Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives

When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris.

Chuck Noris round house kicked the leaning tower of piza

Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse a horse is hung like him..

The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..

Wat is the quickest way to mans heart?
Chuck Noris’s fist.

Chuck Noris retards are just people that have been round house kicked in the face by Chuck Noris

Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.

God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.

Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.

It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop

a stagnant container of chuck norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days

There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.

this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this.

God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please.
 

azkwazere

Ahhh Yes, Ahhh Yes....
Joined
May 30, 2005
Messages
1,813
Reaction score
38
Points
0
Age
33
Location
.....SE Burbs
Members Ride
VP 5-SPD / 24-SPD Racer Hybrid
i love these.... sorry if any reapeats

aZk.
 

sganro

i speak before i think
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
398
Reaction score
3
Points
0
Location
NQ
Members Ride
yet another VS
hahaha those are great
 

pro_gmh

Active Member
Joined
Jul 12, 2005
Messages
1,137
Reaction score
4
Points
38
Age
32
Location
SA, Mount Gambier
Members Ride
VL
I added Chuck Norris to my bookmarks, after a sort by name, it still apears number one.

i thought of that one :D
 
Top