T-Shirts for Seniors

[BlackVXGTS]

Check out the T-Shirts in the attached file:

 

[Redtaxi]

^^ They forgot "piss off and do it yourself, I'm retired."

 

[Rocketeer]

Most of our generation was HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.

1. My mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning the house."

2. My mother taught me: RELIGION.
"You better pray that stain will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me: LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me: MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not coming to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me; IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?
"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11 My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me: HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me: GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a tent?"

24. My mother taught me: WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids
and I hope they turn out just like you!"

 

[Rocketeer]

The Zipper

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.

For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am,
normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."