More importantly, hows the toilet paper situation?
Ah yes, let’s get back on topic!
I wrote a little ditty at the start of the pandemic, March last year to be precise.
Titled ‘I can’t wipe me feckin arse!”
Life is such a drama, life is such a farce, people going mad when they’re driving in their cars.
They speed around the streets like the world is gunna end,
Giving everyone the finger from their Mercedes Benz.
Life is such a drama, life can make you sick, people being angry and acting like a prick,
And they never look around, coz they’re always looking down,
Not acknowledging the world upon we live.
Now it’s sad to see that because of you and me, living life and only thinking about ourselves,
There’s a bug that’s going round, so we’ve spent up all our pounds,
Now there’s no fecking bog rolls on the shelves!
Life is such a drama, life is such a farce, people going mad when they’re driving in their cars,
They’re fighting in the shops, and they’re fighting in the bars, and now because of all the panic,
I cannot wipe me arse!
It’s getting everybody down, there’s no bog roll to be found, they’ve even sent a man to look on Mars, and if he has no luck, then we’ll have to pucker up, and wipe our arse on the flowers in the vase!
Life is such a drama, life is such a farce, there’s a bug that’s going round and it’s worse than feckin SARS, and everyone did panic and jump into their cars, now there’s no feckin bog roll for me arse!
They’ve stopped us going out and meeting with our mates, even at the football they’ve locked the feckin gates, where the teams are running round, you can hardly hear a sound, and the players keep one hand upon their dates!
I thought I’d seen it all, I thought I’d seen all that, a man that wiped his arse on his coat and then his hat,
But I never thought I’d see, what was never meant to be, a man that wiped his arse upon his cat!
Now the irony I’m sure, when there’s feck all in the stores, and you and I have met our sad demise,
Don’t you worry my old friend, if you’ve a penny left to spend,
Coz you’ll never have to wipe your arse AGAIN!