Trust Issues

I don't really see how thats a trust issue. Does she really have to tell you what she's doing 24/7?

 

Ok, first off after seven years of dating her your family!

On the trust thing, do you worry that someone may take advantage of her or simply she might just hook up with someone?

If its the latter perhaps you should be more concerned with your "performance" and your relationship rather than her going out, as the old saying goes if you love something let it go if it comes back it was mean to be yours (or something like that).

If its the first part then fair enough, I always worry bout my wife when she goes out that some **** will slip something in her drink, best solution is to go with her!

Seriously though if you can't trust her to go away and not cheat on you dump her now, after seven years not having that trust means either two things:

You have trust issues you need to overcome before you have a serious relationship

Your girlfriend is untrustworthy and its more than likely she will cheat eventually....

*stumbles out to grab more beer*

 

Im going against what you all are saying, 7 years is a big amount of time to go "ah stuff it", man if you love her, fight for her! She's a female, they rage hormones, there moody as anything, but at the end of the day man, she knows you better than anyone, that could be half the reason she shits you..
My girlfriend knows the buttons to press on me.. And the hose to pull.. Hahaha, jokes.

But seriously if you can see you being with her forever, you just have to accept there's things your not going to like, or agree with, but there's 2 people in the relationship, not one, so your going to have to compromise sometimes.

Your saying you don't trust her in clubs?, as someone said, trust is a two way street, your not trusting her to be alone.. So why should she trust you? You tell her "I don't do anything".. But how does she know?, take a few days when she's away, look at it from her perspective, think about how you would feel?

As for the mum, take a bottle of Wine or something and tell her, "look I know we havnt got along, but I plan on being here for a long time, id just love for us to get along"
If it doesn't work then what can you do.. You tried.

At the end of the day my brother, its your life! don't get advice because your letting others influence your decision, get away think and come back fresh with a decision. Noone can decide this but you, and only you.

Best of luck! Let us know what happens, because we've all been here.

 

Nah man, im going against what everyone else has said to you. 7 years is a large chunk of time to throw away on something your not going to fight for.

You seem to forget.. She's a woman, she's basicly a hormonal moody bitch (no offence ladies.. But its true..)
You've been with this woman for 7 years, she knows you inside out and upside down, she knows your deepest secrets.. Basicly she knows you better than anyone, so she knows how to give you the shits if she has them too.

Your saying you don't trust her when she goes out to clubs, right?
In a previous post, someone said "trust is a two-way street." So how are you giving her trust to trust you back?

Its hard to understand women sometimes (all the time), but just look at it from her eyes man. I think its a blessing in discuise the holiday, you both need time alone to think, sort and plan your future, together or not.
Just remember, a relationships got 2 people, so your going to have to compromise, you can't be 6 and have everything your way and have a tantrem, "have your jewelry back", "im not moving in with you" because you never got your way.

As with the mum take her a bottle of wine and say "look, I know we havnt got along well.. But im here for the long haul so id like for us to be friendly because I love your daughter."

But man this decision is your and all yours, its good to get other peoples perspectives, but in the end, this decision comes from your heart, not someone elses posts because it sounded good.

Best of luck man, we've all been here at once stage. Let me know how you go! And if you need any help, just pm me.

 

So.......you went thru her phone! What were you expecting to find? You are the one with the insecurity issues!
She says you are smothering her! that you dont trust her!

heads up dude!!!! SHE'S RIGHT! & her mum is too!
She is going to come home from Bali with a gut full of DNA. Foreign or domestic.

I wouldn't bother waiting until she gets back, 'cause when she steps off the plane she is going to ditch you like a used condom.

Now......give me her sisters phone number. You may as well give me hers too, you wont be needing it!

 

wow wth dude that doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me......

You and ur fiancee go to separate stripper clubs then come back again...wtf?

 

sorry it's a long as post, but he's right on the money man.... Let it go, make her happy

 

Agreed^

It's a family holiday, her sisters friends weren't invited. If you were to go it'd just make you look even more like a clingy bf that doesn't listen and has no faith in her. 7 years, if she's going to cheat on you I imagine she would have already.

Give the girl some freedom, I know it's hard! I have the same issues with my gf - I told a male friend of hers that we were dating when we first hooked up, it must have went straight through because 2 seconds later he went and hit her up for dinner. At the end of the day she's still with me though.

Her mum, do you think it's because you don't get around there often enough? The dad seems to like you, you can hold onto that and capitalise.

But yes, I think the main thing here is you need to trust her. You're not comfortable and you're insecure, she's picking up on that and obviously the relationship isn't going as smooth because nobody trusts anybody.

Let her do her own thing, if she wants to dress up all sexy, let her. Chicks like dressing up.
Doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home? haha

Having said all that, there are some things that she needs to do for you as well. But, if she's going to councelling with you (how did that go?) and if she's willing to try - then keep trying. If you can't see it continuing on, walk away.

 

how did counselling go

 

Didn't we agree that relationship advice from this guy ^^^ was a bad thing?

 

my friend, i expect you not to listen to this post like you have ignored similar advice, but it is clear you know what to do and are too afraid to do it - let her go.

the reason you checked her phone was because your gut is telling you something is wrong and it is. i gaurantee 110% she will break up with you eventually, you know it too - give back gifts and says she is unsure? your postponing the inevitable. this situation plays out everyday mate, ive seen it with dozens of people and myself even! with hindsight youll understand you made the right call.

so sack up, give her some space for a coulple of months and see if she comes back , cry for a month, then GFTOW.

good luck mate

 

Excellent advise! I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. It was my first serious relationship (at one stage we were engaged).

Why did I break up with her: NO TRUST!!!

Its starts off over little things. For me, I found a transaction (I think it was only $55) made from my account for which I knew I didn't make. I started to make enquirers about the amount, which raised more questions that I wanted answers to. Before I knew it I was checking her facebook/myspace/phone. For me, it turns out she had engaged in "activities" with other men without my knowledge, and intended to keep it that way. The trust I had in her was completely shot at that point.

Letting go is damn hard to do. Being with that person for so long, they become a second skin. While it may be easy to scream "F off biatch, its over" in the heat of the moment, its the times where your home alone, and you've got nothing to do, that you think about her, and start to question your decision.

It times like this, I would base my decisions on whats best for yourself. You may have very strong feeling for her, but is it in YOUR best interest if she drags you down with her family life, or treats you like a doormat, or causes you uni/tafe work to go to pits?

OP, gather your buddies up for drinks one night, and have a good chat. Letting it all out will make you feel better (or is that the alcohol??). They may offer you some different opinions on the situation. As others have said, there are other girls out there. Your still young, take it easy and look after yourself.