pandaman
Aussie Muscle Fan
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2006
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- VN Berlina 5.0 A4
Probably time I put a couple of things in here, the amount of truly wrong jokes going around at work is just terrible.1: A 96 year old lady decides that she's tired of life and it's time to end it all. She goes to her doctor and asks for assistance, the doc of course says,
"No way! That would be illegal, I can however offer some advice on the best way to do the deed. (off the record of course)"
The old woman, seeing his point asks him whether it would be best to shoot herself in the head with her deceased husbands handgun, as that's how it's done in the movies. The doctor once again disagrees most vociferously.
"No way! if you do that there's a chance you'll end up as a vegetable on life support. If you must use a gun, the best way is to shoot yourself in the heart. To make sure the bullet punctures the heart, place the muzzle three inches below your right nipple." The old lady thanks the doc for the advice and leaves. A week later the doc is walking through the local hospital and he happens to see the old lday in a bed with her leg in a cast. He asks her what happened, and she replies: "Well doc, I did what you reccomended, and I blew me ****ing kneecap off!"
2: One day in a quiet greek village, a few of the older residents are discussing how they got their nicknames. They get round to old theo and they ask him. He says, "well my friends, in my long life I have done many things for this community yes?" His friends all agree that he has. "I have dug many wells for the village, but do they call me theo the well digger? No. I built the three bridges on the only road into town, but do they call me theo the bridge builder? No. I've built half the houses in this town, but they don't call me theo the bloody house builder either. Then one night I get very drunk, and I **** one goat and......."
