BlackVXGTS
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2004
- Messages
- 5,512
- Reaction score
- 2,522
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Melbourne, SE
- Members Ride
- GEN-F2 GTS A6, VS Clubsport 185 A4
A man and his wife were sitting at home on the veranda on a warm
Summer evening when he said softly, "I love you".
His wife turned towards him and asked, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replied, "It's me...talking to the beer"...
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free!"
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
A man is stopped by the police around 1 AM and is asked where he was going at this late hour.
The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body and social relations".
The officer then asks, "Really? Who on earth is giving such a lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies simply, "My wife."
An elderly man takes his wife to the doctor.
After careful examination, the doctor takes the old man aside and says "There's definitely something wrong wiith your wife.
I can't exactly be sure what the problem is, but I've managed to narrow it down.
Your wife has either Alzheimer’s or AIDS".
The old man says "Doctor, what should I do".
The doctor replied "drop your wife off at the shops - if she makes it home, don't **** her".
The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?"
Apparently "Only to stop myself coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer.
Was shagging this bird over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day.
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought She would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she Proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!'
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.''
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning!
The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the program's called Fact Hunt.
Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, “You obviously haven't been listening.”
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says "You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"
The police came to my house the other night holding a photo of my wife.
They said "Is this your wife sir?" to which I replied "yes it is" very nervously.
They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus"
I Said "yeah I know, but she has a great personality"
Summer evening when he said softly, "I love you".
His wife turned towards him and asked, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replied, "It's me...talking to the beer"...
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free!"
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
A man is stopped by the police around 1 AM and is asked where he was going at this late hour.
The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body and social relations".
The officer then asks, "Really? Who on earth is giving such a lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies simply, "My wife."
An elderly man takes his wife to the doctor.
After careful examination, the doctor takes the old man aside and says "There's definitely something wrong wiith your wife.
I can't exactly be sure what the problem is, but I've managed to narrow it down.
Your wife has either Alzheimer’s or AIDS".
The old man says "Doctor, what should I do".
The doctor replied "drop your wife off at the shops - if she makes it home, don't **** her".
The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?"
Apparently "Only to stop myself coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer.
Was shagging this bird over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day.
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought She would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she Proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!'
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.''
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning!
The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the program's called Fact Hunt.
Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, “You obviously haven't been listening.”
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says "You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"
The police came to my house the other night holding a photo of my wife.
They said "Is this your wife sir?" to which I replied "yes it is" very nervously.
They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus"
I Said "yeah I know, but she has a great personality"
