Cheating - Cheated On

[Michael-08-VE]

When I was young and dumb I fooled around with heaps of girls, while tuning my current missus, I regret it, we weren't together but now that I've grown up I see it was a terrible thing to put someone through. But life's life, get over it. But did you die?

 

[Darren_L]

We are a pretty diverse lot. Everything is on a scale. Some lack empathy, some are needy, etc, etc, it doesn't make it unnatural to be that way but how you handle your make-up may have consequences for you. Unfortunately, because we a a social species, we have to make sacrifices to live amongst others. It may be normal as in the range of human beings, but that doesn't mean it will be accepted. Therapy may help people deal with the conflicts between their "normal" and others. In situations like this you will always be judged by the societal "norm" because it affects other people.

Q.
Before I answer the cheating question, Is porn cheating?

I agree there are lots of different types of people with different views on what is 'normal'
Hence there are couples out there who agree to 'open relationships'. And if both or all.... members of the relationship are upfront about that at the beginning of the relationship, then no harm done. Even if one partner changes their mind part way through the relationship (which sometimes happens), at least they knew what they were getting themselves into at the beginning of the relationship.

However if either partner was given the impression/expectation that the relationship was to be monogamous, then cheating is wrong/immoral IMO....

Is watching porn cheating ? Maybe undesirable, but not cheating IMO. Porn usually involves an actor of some description putting on a show for an audience. The person watching porn is simply an audience member. Yeah we sit there and think, wow she's hot.... But it's purely physical attraction, it's fantasy, we're not actually in love with her, we don't even know her, she could be a complete bitch for all we know. If it was some sort of interactive porn then maybe.... but even that's a stretch as both the actor and viewer usually know it's all going to end once the viewer runs out of credit. But I could understand a partner feeling cheated in this case.

I've been busted looking at a few images by the g/f. Her initial reaction was rather extreme, but as I explained to her us guys are visual. We like to 'look' but that doesn't mean we have any intentions beyond that. I used the analogy that I might admire a Lamborghini at a car show, but I love my Commodore.... She's kind of reluctantly accepted it now, she even said that she wouldn't mind so much if we watched porn together, so I took her up on that once and she at least seemed fine with it lol But out of respect for her, I hardly look at porn these days, but like most blokes, I do sneak a peek on the occasion and whilst I'm discreet about it, if she asks me, I'm not going to lie to her about it.

 

[EYY]

the whole experience taught me that puss is just that and once you've had one, you've had them all so if you're in a relationship it's not worth straying for just for a hole or a dick and if you have to it's time to talk it through or leave. going thought the head#### of it all showed me the worst parts of a relationship and that's what has put me off starting one.

I can assure you that it's not like that at all man. I had a similar experience a number of years ago, and thought the same way for a fairly long time. Once you meet someone at you can really get to know and become comfortable with you'll realise that it's not all the same.

Chin up mate, keep an open mind.

 

[kiwicon]

I downloaded some lesbian porn about a year ago or so... watched it with the Mrs.. she was 50/50 with it... Then one day soon after caught the mrs watching it by herself ... do I care, nope.. What I did was get her some more so she didn't get sick of watching the same hoes rammn the same holes...

I had been cheated on when I was younger, it does suck.. kicked that trash to the kerb...

 

[mpower]

I think our society places too much emphasis on monogamy, when it's pretty much due to religious influences on our culture. Look how badly the media portrays anyone with two wives/girlfriends/boyfriends. I think if it was socially acceptable some people would have two partners, some would be happy with one, some with none. People having to hide their true nature is what leads to hearts being broken.

Damn good point, social conditioning tells you what is and is not acceptable.

Who says societies "laws" are the right ones?

 

[ari666]

my first 2 year relationship i was cheated on, and i decided to just not give a fk about girls feelings anymore.

my second 3.5 year relationship started with us being fk buddies and became much more. i was living the dream in the UK, sleeping with each and everything that came my way, and she was exactly the same. there was a period about 1 year in that we become solid friends and sexual partners and we committed to each other fully and stopped messing around so much, reduced partying and started to look like we were both growing up and getting serious. but then i think due to a number of reasons, we both just went back to fking around and the relationship ended really horribly, which scarred me.

after that i really wanted someone who would be the mother of my children. i met my ex through normal dating channels, not partying. we dated for a bit, got serious really quickly and she was living with me in the space of 8 months. i SWORE to myself that i would be 100% faithful this time. i had found someone perfect to sepdn the rest of my life with, and i was complete.

anyway after 5 years she got bored with it and started sleeping with one of her work mates. again a real messy breakup. this one scarred me worse than the 2nd one.

so coming out of the second relationship i was committed to being faithful, after the 3rd i had to just realise that im not cut out for anything long term, im getting too old for kids now, and i just dont have time for womens bullshit anymore, so instead i spend all my spare time doing what i love, which is working on cars, talking about cars, looking at cars and drinking beers.

im a bit sad i missed the boat, but im not gonna put myself through that kind of pain again.

 

[BOOST666]

You know what's not normal? Monogamy.
The want/need to reproduce is in the DNA of every living organism, however, with biological and hormonal change that want/need may dissipate.
Monogamy was forced upon us at some point in time and now it's accepted. I believe this to be a large part of why people cheat, I know of people that are very happy with their relationships on all levels yet still feel the urge to be with someone else purely in a sexual nature, does that make them a bad person, or is it just the human condition?
How many of you that are in happy healthy relationships, have seen a person you find sexually attractive (not your partner) and thought to yourself "hmm the things I'd do..." ??
Every single one of you! If you say otherwise you are lying.
In saying this, I am trying to illustrate my understanding for people who "cheat", in no way do I condone cheating and potentially causing a lifetime worth of damage to the other party.
I have never cheated, but have been cheated on, sure it hurt, and messed me up for a while, she was my first true love and she fooled around with a very close friend of mine, I'm not jaded, because of my open mind and realistic take on things I found myself talking to both of them about what happened and was able to analyse the situation and have an understanding of why it happened, which made it a lot easier to deal with. I think emotional cheating is far worse than physical cheating.

I have a fairly high sex drive, and I have spoken to my wife on multiple occasions about feelings that I have, I am one of the people I mentioned above, I love my wife, we are happy, don't argue a lot and when we do it's very civil, we have a great sex life and work well together to have our family succeed, but I'm still attracted to other women, if I could have my cake and eat it too I probably would, but that won't happen because she doesn't feel the same way as me and I respect that. Judge me, hate me, whatever, it just proves your ignorance to other peoples lives and situations.

 

[commodore665]

You know what's not normal? Monogamy.
The want/need to reproduce is in the DNA of every living organism, however, with biological and hormonal change that want/need may dissipate.
Monogamy was forced upon us at some point in time and now it's accepted. I believe this to be a large part of why people cheat, I know of people that are very happy with their relationships on all levels yet still feel the urge to be with someone else purely in a sexual nature, does that make them a bad person, or is it just the human condition?
How many of you that are in happy healthy relationships, have seen a person you find sexually attractive (not your partner) and thought to yourself "hmm the things I'd do..." ??
Every single one of you! If you say otherwise you are lying.
In saying this, I am trying to illustrate my understanding for people who "cheat", in no way do I condone cheating and potentially causing a lifetime worth of damage to the other party.
I have never cheated, but have been cheated on, sure it hurt, and messed me up for a while, she was my first true love and she fooled around with a very close friend of mine, I'm not jaded, because of my open mind and realistic take on things I found myself talking to both of them about what happened and was able to analyse the situation and have an understanding of why it happened, which made it a lot easier to deal with. I think emotional cheating is far worse than physical cheating.

I have a fairly high sex drive, and I have spoken to my wife on multiple occasions about feelings that I have, I am one of the people I mentioned above, I love my wife, we are happy, don't argue a lot and when we do it's very civil, we have a great sex life and work well together to have our family succeed, but I'm still attracted to other women, if I could have my cake and eat it too I probably would, but that won't happen because she doesn't feel the same way as me and I respect that. Judge me, hate me, whatever, it just proves your ignorance to other peoples lives and situations.

There was a time years and years ago , before I got married , where I thought monogamy was a type of wood , oh how things have changed

 

[Jecs]

fkkkkk ari, just want to give you a hug right now and c**t punt your fkn ex's.



this is a bit left field but one thing ive never grasp is guys who enjoy, accept, like or whatever you want to call it 'cuckold' i only learnt this word recently and basically its means you're a **** c**t in bed, so you give your missus permission to find a guy to get the job done. now me personally, ive never been one for sharing. i dont even let mates drive my cars, let alone some random have his way with my missus and enjoy her telling me about. just writing this im shaking my head in confusion. like i just need to know how you can think of your missus highly after that? how could you respect her?

 

[88GreenVN]

I could say so much in this thread - but I will not. I was in one long term relationship of 34 years, married for 30 of them. I walked out! Now have reconnected with someone I should have married and probably will do so when I can (divorce can take so long here). But I have 3 wonderful kids and a life time of memories.

However if a mate of mine bragged he was shagging someone while married I'd give em one sharp jab in the guts - because that is what it will feel like some day.... And anyone that has been hit by me in the guts has to take a few big ones to stand up straight again!!

So don't ever tell me your ####ing around on your missus!! I will hurt you lol