Stories of stupid mechanical stuff you have been told by clueless people.

[acarmody]

I tried to think of a better title but this was the best I could manage.

Anyway I wanted to start a thread where people can share conversations they have had with morons telling mechanical stuff that makes no sense.

For instance:

I was talking to a customer at work about the weather, he said he hates the cold because it makes his car hard to start, when I asked why, he said,

"The cold air hits the hot engine and makes the engine condense, which also makes the hot injectors condense, which make tiny drops of water appear in the injectors, which make the engine not want to turn over".

Anyway after busting a gut trying not to laugh I managed to walk away and laugh my arse off in private.

Anyone else got a story to share?

 

[Tatiana]

How about the endless posts here from noobs asking what type of exhaust will make their V6 sound like a V8 because they believe it can be done?

 

[acarmody]

I more meant conversations with real people, and preferably funny, or face-palm-able. But I see where your going.

 

[White Tiger]

being told by a so called mechanic that to change the fuel pump in my vn wagon the tank would need to be removed.

 

[slutvs]

was in town with all the local hoons, my friends mates all talking when suddenly a guy wreckons he got upto 15kw with a straight through exhaust because the air flow wasnt interupted by mufflers :| i guess thats makes sense if he drives a vp thats 8 different colours. all i could do was walk away in shame as i didnt want anyone seeing me talking to him

 

[pow3rslave]

i remember my dad telling me that a long engine was when it had the transmission attached, short was when it came without.
when i did my neverending v6-v8 conversion he'd always ask if i was also swapping random items that'd be specific to any engine, like intake manifold, or headers.

 

[dirt drifter]

i got a few...

a bloke trying to tell me he's getting a vl with a 460 in it. i said "i think a 460 is a big block ford motor" but he wouldn't believe me

another one, bloke bails me up when im in my old lx hatch and starts talking cars. apparently he had a crazy torana with all the power in the world, did wheelies too. so me humouring this guy i say "damn, musta had some big tyres and stallie to pop a wheelie!" nope, apparently this thing could lift em with a standard convertor and skinny 14s under it!

and the best one. guy in a white vt/vx twin turbo LS1, complete with ridiculous looking bodykit and purple graphics was at a local car show. i asked how much power/how quick. well....
apparently it made 1000+rwhp, but judging by the size of the turbos i would have been surprised if it made more than half that (it looked like a backyard job, this was back in the day before LS turbo kits were a dime a dozen) and the 1/4 mile time? a supposed high 8 at damn near 150mph??? and that was with the heavy ass stereo and tv's still in it and on the big diameter shiny rims under it! i've never been more tempted to tell someone they're more full of crap than the local sewerage plant!!

 

[chargedvx6]

My favourite is when customers ask about lowered shocks to suit their lowered car. When they ask me if the lowered shocks will affect the height of the car the writing is on the wall. Has happened a few times in the last few months. Facepalm just doesn't cover it

 

[VR38]

"The cold air hits the hot engine and makes the engine condense, which also makes the hot injectors condense, which make tiny drops of water appear in the injectors, which make the engine not want to turn over".

That's funny as water condenses on cold surfaces.

I once had a NRMA service man swear black and blue that the motor in my Fathers V8 Statesman was seized as he could not jump start it (Dad like to listen to the stereo alot while at home), anyway I tell the guy that I built the motor and I will bet his mechanics license that the motor is not seized, he packed up and left before I could change the battery out of my car to prove him wrong.

 

[2DIE]

At my brothers work there is 1 guy always going on about how much his cars kick ass over anyone elses. He has a stock as factory VN that's lowered with mags and an exhaust, apparently it has "worked internals" but when you ask him whats been done to it he says "Not sure, but it has worked internals. The guy I bought it off did it". He also keeps talking about his other VN that has "heated fuel lines" that gives something stupid like 50rwkw. I looked it up and all I could find was theory about heated fuel being more fuel efficient but nothing that proves it, the same article says it would lose power as well.