Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Received a call from a recruitment agency. She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you...!"

I replied : Yes. I know.

There was a long silence and then she said.....

Asshole!

Then I said, I prefer the other one.

 

[shane_3800]

Received a call from a recruitment agency. She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you...!"

I replied : Yes. I know.

There was a long silence and then she said.....

Asshole!

Then I said, I prefer the other one.

why not try both? I feel like a taco now.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes

I'm half blind,

Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

Take 40 different medications that

Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia

Have poor circulation;

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,

I still have my driver's licence!!..

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

There was a child on a farm named Timmy. Now Timmy loved growing up on the farm with his family. He enjoyed helping out in the fields, he loved feeding the sheep and cows, and he was always happy to help out in the barn. The one thing Timmy did not like, was having to clean out the outhouse. He absolutely hated that.

Now one day there was a massive storm. Rain was coming down in sheets and it lasted so long that the small river than ran next to the outhouse swelled up so high that the outhouse was only about a foot away from it. Little Timmy saw this and realized this could be his chance to get rid of the outhouse.

He ran and got one of his dads shovels and some planks and quickly ran over to the side of the outhouse to dig away the dirt and lever it up with the planks. Finally, he gave it one last hard shove and the entire outhouse toppled into the river and drifted downstream.

Little Timmy was pretty happy with himself until later that night, while he was in the kitchen helping his mother make supper, his dad walked into the house. Now little Timmy saw his dads face, as his dad began to take off his belt, and knew the game was up, so he thought fast and decided his best chance was to immediately come clean.

"Pa."

"Yes son"

" I pushed the outhouse into the river"

"I know that son. Now bend over"

At this Little Timmy was taken aback, "but pa, George Washington told how he cut down the cherry tree and he didn't get in trouble for it".

His dad pauses for a moment, before replying "son. George Washington's dad wasn't IN the cherry tree"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[marty351]

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Skydrol]