New Dads gather here (mums too I guess)

[hi_ryder]

let me be the first to say... enjoy em while there young. ive got 2 step kids, daughter 16 and son 19. 16 year old just went on the pill and has a 17 year old boyfriend. the 19 year old is a warcraft bum who has no job and spends his days in pyjamas eating all the food in the house and trolling the internet on ventrillo (voice chat). as a bonus he showers every 3 days and looks like shaggy from scooby doo. daughter has random bitch fits flaring up my wifes migraines and ruining any chance of gettin some after work action pretty much 4 days a week. i love them the death and i agree kids are fantastic but teenagers are mentally ill lol. oh and you got a little bundle of joy there reaper, really cute

 

[vr94ss]

Reaper 2.0 at 10 weeks

Quick! Kill it! It's trying to control your mind and take over your life!

Nah.. I couldn't do it either and still enjoy their company. All boys, oldest 23 youngest almost 17.

 

[Clutchy]

Have you spoken to ya wife about this or even a doctor its one think to type it on a computer screen but ya will feel alot better about it all if you share the problem and have people talk to you that can be there and help you through it because befor you know it ya kid will be off to school and ya will think #### me i just missed there first 5 years what have I done belive me its not easy I have a 5 year old daughter and the first time I ever had her was her 1st birthday so ya can imagine what I have missed in her life sofar and I could not wish that on anybody so for your sake and ya familys dont just post it on the net speak to real people about it starting with ya misses if ya havent allready.

 

[Cúl-Báire]

It gets much, much easier as time goes on - the first night, and even few weeks were hell for us; we really felt like we were thrown in the deepend with a ball and chain around our ankles for a while! But it got easier, we've had ups and downs and everything has fallen into place... Just be sure to say goodbye to your "me time", it will be replaced with "me, the wife and baby time" and to be honest I know I wouldn't have it any otherway (YMMV).

 

[Benjamin K]

Thanks to everyone for such quick replies, and serious ones at that.

@Julie. I'm so sorry to hear about your little boy who couldn't be with you. I've also found The Place for Postpartum Dads And Facts About Men With Postpartum Depression or Other Problems With Mood After Becoming A New Father which is a forum dedicated to helping dads who are struggling with Paternal Postpartum depression/anxiety. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find anything even remotely close to that in Australia.

Something I left out of my original post: I was diagnosed with an acute anxiety disorder almost 3 years ago.

I've been told that everything gets easier the longer it goes on, and that it becomes more rewarding, and happier, but at the moment...I'm dropping a kg a day in body weight, can't face the prospect of returning to work, but I'm panicked because I'm not at work...I'm putting all of my energy into holding myself together for the sake of my wife and child. The only problem is that it's killing me.

Hey mate, got an 8 week old so it's still fresh in my head what it is like in the early days when bub gets home. Our's wasn't planned but it was a happy shock for both of us.

Well coming up to the birth, I had the same worries with most centred around money/cash flow. Infact I had more reason to worry then anyone else, as 2 months months before the birth I was made redundant from my mining job with 45k worth of debt for a Maloo I could only get 35k for (cheap ass dealers). I was lucky enough I prepared for that been a posibility in the mining game and had consumer loan insurance and that instantly cleared the loan. But that still left me with the cash flow problems which wern't an issue until just after bub was born because we had a bit saved for the one income scenario. But I still stressed day and night and lost sleep over it so know exactly where your coming from.

My first piece of advice, if your missus isn't going back to work anytime soon look into income protection insurance. With one income and a family to support, if you get injured or sick and can't work for a while that $5 a week will litterally be a life saver. Plus it will help relieve your finance anxiety knowing if worst comes to worst your all good in the money department, might pay to look around for a policy that covers stress leave or compassionate leave. I'm no longer in the mining game and yeah the money is no longer disposable but we scrape through comfortably with enough money to go to the movies or video store or just spend time relaxing while bub sleeps.

My second and final piece of advice is what everyone is saying. Relax and enjoy. Everything will work its self out as it did in my case. Utilise family and friends who can watch bub for a few hours to spend time with your wife. Time your dinners to co-incide with bubs sleeping patterns so you can sit down and have an undisturbed meal because when you go back to work your really going to need a proper diet to get through the day on less sleep then usual. Don't drink caffeine, so you can easily get some sleep as soon as bub dozes off.

Anyway off to tend to my screaming baby lol, feel free to PM me if you need any advice from a male going through the exact same as you.

 

[mouce]

@Reaper, cute little fella. Cheeky smile on him, got his first car picked out yet?

Rest assured, I've been talking this through with my wife, with my psychiatrist, with my parents, with my mates. This is just ONE of the places I figured there might be some support, and it turns out that there's a bunch of guys here who also started freaking out when their kid(s) arrived.

I know that for the sake of my family I need to look after myself, it's just that I'm not much good at that. I've actually come off the meds now, which is still stuffing me around. Coming off both Xanax and Zoloft at the same time is bloody horrible. But the side effects were killing me. Two days of no pills, and I'm improving...

We've managed to get a routine under way now, with the little fella having naps at the same time every day, sleeping not-too-bad at night. I'm about to head back to work in a day or two once the detox has settled down.

@Ben K, the income insurance is a good idea...gotta look into that.

I had my first "good" day yesterday, for the first time in three weeks, I actually got to enjoy being a dad. Problem is that coming off the meds, I'm mildly manic-depressive...which is not great fun.

As for the advice that everyone has offered: "Relax". Yep...that's my problem, but having an acute anxiety disorder means that it's not as easy as taking a deep breath and a beer.

Sorry if this has seemed a bit disjointed, but it's hard to type with a wriggling midget on my lap.

 

[greenacc]

my 2nd and final piece of advice when it feels like you're stuck at home with bub like a ball and chain is just walk outside. Nothing like a bit of sunshine to make you feel better. Bubs love it too... show him some trees, leaves, colours whateter. They start learning straight away so vary their environment whenever you can and you'll both benefit.
Glad to hear its all looking up.

 

[mouce]

I've noticed that walking around outside helps me, and him. Only problem is that I live in Melbourne. Bit too cold and wet for 23 hours of the day to be outside. This little monster clearly is learning, and we are learning a lot about him too (all the different noises and movements and what they all mean).

I know that I'll probably regret saying this, but I'm looking forward to when he can walk...that'll make it a lot easier (in some ways).

 

[greenacc]

yeah, just watching them take their first steps is a proud moment for every parent, even the little steps along the way like learning how to use different toys, say mumma and dady, crawl, laugh grow ... you'll have a lot of fun just keep a reality check on the whole scene. Amazing how quickly they become a little friend rather than just a crying baby.

 

[Reaper]

@Reaper, cute little fella. Cheeky smile on him, got his first car picked out yet?

Rest assured, I've been talking this through with my wife, with my psychiatrist, with my parents, with my mates. This is just ONE of the places I figured there might be some support, and it turns out that there's a bunch of guys here who also started freaking out when their kid(s) arrived.

I know that for the sake of my family I need to look after myself, it's just that I'm not much good at that. I've actually come off the meds now, which is still stuffing me around. Coming off both Xanax and Zoloft at the same time is bloody horrible. But the side effects were killing me. Two days of no pills, and I'm improving...

We've managed to get a routine under way now, with the little fella having naps at the same time every day, sleeping not-too-bad at night. I'm about to head back to work in a day or two once the detox has settled down.

@Ben K, the income insurance is a good idea...gotta look into that.

I had my first "good" day yesterday, for the first time in three weeks, I actually got to enjoy being a dad. Problem is that coming off the meds, I'm mildly manic-depressive...which is not great fun.

As for the advice that everyone has offered: "Relax". Yep...that's my problem, but having an acute anxiety disorder means that it's not as easy as taking a deep breath and a beer.

Yeah - just saying relax is easy but doing it is not quite so straight forward in practice. It's not about kids or anything but a few years ago I had a super stressful time at work. Essentially it was in a corporate environment for a listed company that was well and truly going down the **** chute and all the managers in various devisions were expected to pull rabbits out of their hats on a daily basis.

One of the senior guys (earning near $800k a year) suggested I get a book which I found very helpful. It's quite old - first published 80 or so years ago but very relevant today. I still re-read parts of it from time to time. These days even the most gigantic problems don't phase me any more (there have been a few over the years). It's got to the point that it even annoys my wife no end that I don't get stressed out even when she is peaking.

It's a bit preachy in parts (read it but if the religion isn't your thing just move on a bit - those bits didn't do much for me either) but there are a *lot* of very practical suggestions how to handle stress and anxiety. Some won't work for you but several might and then it's a matter of following a procedure.

Here's a link: Amazon.com: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (9780671733353): Dale Carnegie: Books - what do you have to loose?

Reaper