What is the stupidest thing you have heard someone say?

[commod8]

not really what someone said, but what they did. my cousin used to work as a helpdesk person at coles myer (helping people with computer issues) he once told this person over the phone to "pull the blue cable out from the back of the computer, it looks liek a normal telephone cable, BUT it is blue" the persons says ok. a few seconds later, my cousin hears "beep, beep, beep" the person pulled out the cable from the telephone

 

[commod8]

my friend once said somethign to me, and i understood him saying "5 cents" and i asked "what????" and he said "have you seen the 5 cent commerical" i was thinking "wtf" and just said "nah i haven't. what about this commerical?" and he said "yeah...that" another time he asked me if i saw "the new 5 cent commerical" and i said "nah" he then said "the guy was swimming like a butterfly." i never knew butterflies could swim, haha. i happened to see this commercial some time later, some guy was splashing in a pool.

once my mates and i were sitting around near a vending machine at school, and we were talking to each other, and out of nowhere my friend (same one from the story above, his name is chris) interrupted us and said something, all i understood was "kill bill". my friends and i looked stumped and said "what!?!?". chris said "have you seen kill bill". we were wondering wtf he was on about - interrupting us, and asking about something called kill bill. i said to him "wtf, we are in the middle of a conversaion, and you ask about some kill bill thing, wtf is this ****?" chris then pointed to the vending machine (someone had left their change in the change dispenser thing) and said "there's money in the machine". after pissing ourselves, we worked out he interrupted our conversationto ask if we had seen a film called "kill bill" and for some reason, he decided to tell us that someone left change in the vending machine, before tellign us wtf kill bill actually was

 

[commod8]

i have millions of stories of people saying stupid ****, i just can't remember them (wish i could). my maths teacher a few years back was trying to ask the class where he should place a coordinate point on the graph (which was on the white board) and he asked "how can you tell me, where would i place it?". well i assumed that i would tell him via speech, in the english language, with my mouth, that's how i believed i could tell him. haha.

another time this same maths teacher cracked the shits with a kid who wouldn't stop muckign around in class. one particular instance when the teacher cracked it with the kid - he looked at the kid, shook his head, then he picked up his own pencial case and moved it literally 3 cm away from where he initially had it, then he looked at the kid again and started telling him off. next time i crack it with someone, i'm going to move teh closest object 3 cm away from where i find it.

in a friend's maths class, there is a student named yoshi cameron-bradley. on the class role, obviously his first name is in the first names column, and his surname is in the surname column. the teacher reads out everyone's first name, but whenever he gets to yoshi on the roll, he calls out "cameron". yoshi realises the teacher is trying to call him so he says "oh, my name's yoshi sir" the teacher says "but on my roll it says cameron bradley". yoshi explains "cameron-bradley is my surname, it's hyphenated". the teacher says "but my roll says cameron, but your name is yoshi?" yoshi says "yeah....my name's yoshi, and my surname is cameron-bradley". no ****, this conversation had been brought up atleast once a week. i don't know how this teacher can be so lost. this same teacher, once told off this kid for talking too much in class....he full on went spastic at him, screaming and threatening to kick him out of class. when the teacher stopped screaming, he walked back to his desk, sat on his chair and went "HHEHEHEHEHE" (this full on high-pitched laugh). this teacher is weird people, i tell ya

 

[commod8]

i might aswell jot as many down as i can, i'm so bored right now

my current maths teacher was talking about electrical stores (after we answered a mathematical question regarding the sales inflation rate at an electrical store) and she said "i was walking over electrical store, ted something electrical store". and then went on to explaining how she was looking for a digital camera. in melbourne, there is a camera store called ted's, my friends and i understood what she was saying, but obviously didn't word it very well (i never knew you could walk over a store, haha).

my friend's nephew once said out of nowhere "last time, da guy, we were playing cricket, he finked i was gonna catch it, and i cathed it, and he said you're not playing"

my yobbo neighbour used to have a goat roaming aroudn in his front yard (i live in a suburban side street by the way). he bought the goat for $20, and its name was gilbert. knwoign teh yobbo, he would've referred to it as "gilbo". anyway, my friend and i were outside, and my friend walked to teh front of my neighbour's house to get a good look at good old gilbo. the yobbo realised my mate was staring at the goat, and came outside and said "ay, what the **** are ya doin?" my mate said "i'm just looking at the goat." the yobbo said "nah nah ya ****in being smart, ya ****in hangin around me ****in house, **** off mate" my friend said "but i'm just lookign at the goat, i'm not being smart" the yobbo replied "nah you'fe getting smart, if ya come near me house again i'll do somethin about it" as the yobbo walked back inside, my mate screamed out "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" (goat noise) the yobbo came back outsie and sai "roight, that's it's, ya want a ****in headbutt mate, huh? huh? i'll ****in headbutt ya ****, don't ****in get smart! oroight? i'll ****in get ya ****!!!" he walked right up to my friend; their faces were about 1 cm apart. the yobbo had his arms right back, lookign liek mr tough guy. the yobbo then walked back inside. my friend and i were stunned, we knew this guy was always pissed, and acting crazily, but ****in hell!!! 10 mins later, the yobbo comes out with his car, pulls up next to us and says "look fellas, i know ya wanted to look at me goat, and i'm sorry i screamed yas before, but i just don't want ya teasing me goat, oroight? ya can 'ave a look at it, but don't be stupid or try to scare it or anythin loike that, oright? cya guys."

 

[TheForgotten]

damn postwhore much???

 

[fabz]

I work in a IT help desk. ENOUGH SAID!!!

 

[Sorak]

I used to do a lot of school video discos. We were playing VCD's and some kid asked me "how do you synchronize the music with the video?" So I pointed to the amplifier and told him it's a computer which reads the timecodes from the cd and the video and then adjusts the speed... Oh and the level meters were actually showing the relative synchronisations or something

 

[Sorak]

I work in a IT help desk. ENOUGH SAID!!!

My cupholder is broken!

 

[Patrio7]

My cupholder is broken!

ok sire push the eject button, there you go, all good.

 

[Demons1964]

Had a Russian engineering lecturer. Her favourite question was, "How do you think why?" Well if I knew that I'd be a neurosurgeon!!! I'm reliably informed it's the direct translation into English for "Why is it so?" but the translation stops you in your tracks!!

Also, had a nutter in uni mathematics, Dr. Andrew Prentice. He's a world-famous planetary mathematician who among other things has predicted a sub-surface ocean beneath the icy surface of Europa. I digress, the important point is that he's famous in his field and has a screw loose. I remember him doing partial differential equations and he waffled on about taking the square of a wombat and adding it to the hypotenuse of a ruler. A big "WHAT THE?" My brother had him a couple of years later - still insane. He'd do that sort of of stuff I think to keep students interested but he did blur that fine line between genius and madman. And to think NASA takes this guy seriously...