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Advice on tracking down family of deceased former girlfriend - NSW.

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Calaber, Aug 24, 2016.

  1. mpower

    mpower Well-Known Member

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    Yeah some people just use some whacky name. They are more lenient with that these days, for the sake of transparency with those you are contacting though I'd be using a real name.
     
  2. Calaber

    Calaber Nil Bastardo Carborundum

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    It was the Police Department of NSW. They have a website but if I want to pursue her work history I will have to take it up with the personnel department. As i mentioned earlier it would have been simple if I had done it before retiring from that department after working there from 1970 to 2008.

    The other thing to remember is that she passed away in 1980, long before personnel records were computerised in our department. Any record that still exists would either be in manual form filed away in some deep dark hole or archived at the State Records Repository at Kingswood.

    Having left the department by one means or another as far back as that, her records may not even exist anymore.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2016
  3. vc commodore

    vc commodore Well-Known Member

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    It's plain you wish to class this as a dead end, without even trying.....Surprisingly, by making simple phone calls, the strangest things happen, like someone remembering the name....

    Here's an example.....My Father was an interstate truck driver (aka root rat, with me being 1 of 8 kids we know of).....I got the name of a place he worked for that was 21 years old.....Strangely enough I spoke to the warehouse manager and he remembered the name from 21 years prior......He even gave me the name of the company he went to from there.....Unfortunately from there the trail went cold for a couple of years, until I got a phone call saying I'm going to his funeral....He passed away 26 years ago, so it was well before the ol' interweb days and facebook...

    So as I mentioned previously, it's not a dead end until you haveexplored every avenue available.
     
  4. Calaber

    Calaber Nil Bastardo Carborundum

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    It's not that i consider it a lost cause because her personnel record would answer many questions for me.

    Its the state's privacy laws that prevents personal information being released to the public.

    As she died over 30 years ago the the restriction may no longer apply. I might try approaching the department to see what can be released. Just wish I'd thought to do it when i was a manager in that department. Today I'm just Neville Nobody but we'll see how we go.
     
  5. Calaber

    Calaber Nil Bastardo Carborundum

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    Another update (for those who are interested).

    Success. I have located her younger sister on FB. Absolutely the right person, she has a photo of herself which is very much like I would have imagined my GF to look after all these years. She also retains her maiden name as part of her married name, so now I have to work out the most delicate approach. However, as the death certificate has been ordered, and the circumstances of her death could be very tragic, I think I might wait till it arrives before taking the next step.

    I think after so many years, most people would be willing to discuss matters like this, but an approach coming from someone who is virtually a total stranger from the distant past still needs to be tactful. This will be some test......
     
  6. pebbs

    pebbs Member

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    Good on you mate, hope you now find the peace you are looking for. Best of luck in the future.
     
  7. greenacc

    greenacc Searching for the billion

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    That's good news, did you ever meet this younger sister back in the day? Maybe she would remember you.
     
  8. Calaber

    Calaber Nil Bastardo Carborundum

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    Yes we would have met a few times when I picked her sister up and I think I stayed for a meal once. I'm also hopeful that she and her sister may have discussed our relationship.
     
  9. VS_Pete

    VS_Pete Donating Member

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    Good luck..........
     
  10. Not_An_Abba_Fan

    Not_An_Abba_Fan Exhaust Guru

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    You are looking at it from your perspective and the way you may feel regarding sensitivity. Just contact her. Is there any other way other than "Hi, you may not remember me, I'm Neville Nobody, your sister and I had a thing back in *insert year*, I heard she passed away, sorry for your loss". Or something. Just say it and see what happens. After 30 years, I think the pain of losing her would have diminished somewhat.
     
  11. Calaber

    Calaber Nil Bastardo Carborundum

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    You must be a bloody mind reader. That's precisely what I've been coming back to as an initial approach. I have her work address so I'm actually thinking of ringing her and trying to arrange a meeting.

    Updates will follow.
     
  12. Not_An_Abba_Fan

    Not_An_Abba_Fan Exhaust Guru

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    Unless you were trying to get into her pants while you were dating her sister, I can't see it going badly.
     
  13. Calaber

    Calaber Nil Bastardo Carborundum

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    No problems there. I behaved with complete decorum and respect. Very old fashioned upbringing.
     
  14. mpower

    mpower Well-Known Member

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    haven't been keeping track, did you end up telling the mrs what you are up to?
     
  15. Calaber

    Calaber Nil Bastardo Carborundum

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    I've decided to but need to pick my moment. It will be done before i go any further. Probably this weekend when no grandkids are around.
     
  16. Towcar

    Towcar Active Member

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    Not going to read 5 pages BUT!

    Tell your wife.

    If you approach her husband then maybe as an old friend rather than an old boy friend, not lying but not initially throwing it out there.
     
  17. Dayvo

    Dayvo Because i can

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    Any updates yet ???
     
  18. Calaber

    Calaber Nil Bastardo Carborundum

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    Yes mate, from today. My internet modem crashed a couple of weeks ago and the only access I've had has been via my phone. The copy of the death certificate I requested a month ago was sent to me but Outlook decided it was junk mail and filed it in that category, which isn't an option on Outlook on the phone. Got the internet back on today and there was the certificate in the junk mail.

    I now know the cause of death, which was as I had "hoped"it would be in view of her young age. She had told me she was epileptic when we were a couple and I remember asking her what I should do if she ever had an incident in my company (which never happened, thank god). In recent days, I had started to wonder if her death was natural, accidental or the result of foul play. It was natural. An epileptic attack, which obviously must have been pretty severe. She died at home, leaving two kids, 3 and 1. I guess at those ages, neither ever got to really know their mum.

    The certificate has answered many of my questions and I'm not certain now whether to contact her sister or not. I would only want to know if she had resigned from our employer because I'm sure that if she was still employed, I would have heard it through the grapevine at the time. I've located her two kids on Facebook and they seem to have made a good fist of their lives. I won't be going there for obvious reasons. There was also a third child (the eldest) who must have died very early as she was recorded on the death certificate as deceased. It's all pretty sad, really. I just wish I had found out at the time. The marriage was only four years old, so it took place about two years after our trip to Kyogle and I suspect that when we last met walking to work one day around 1977/78, she was already married. It's an sad coincident that she died the same month that my other half was advised she was pregnant with our first child, who was born in July 1981. Life goes on.....

    Just as a matter of interest, I did tell the other half. Her reaction was much better than I thought it would be and she had no objections to me making contact with the sister. If I do contact her, and there is anything of value to add to this thread, I'll post it but I suspect that it might end here.
     
  19. VS_Pete

    VS_Pete Donating Member

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    Thanks .........................................
     
  20. Jecs

    Jecs PAVTEK Race Engines Staff Member

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    this has sort of been an amazing mission, and glad i got to read about it. thanks Calaber
     

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