Joke of the Day

[hademall]

Teacher: “ Johnny if you had $3 in one pocket and $5 in the other, what would you have? “
Johnny: “ Somebody else’s trousers on Sir! “

 

[hademall]

Teacher: “ Johnny if you had $3 in one pocket and $5 in the other, what would you have? “
Johnny: “ Somebody else’s trousers on Sir! “

Rehashed I know!

 

[Rocketeer]

 

[Skydrol]

Krazy Karens

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm… that’s funny. When I lost my bag there were 2 £50 notes in it. Now there are 5 £20 notes.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the lady didn’t have any change for a reward.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The other day I bought my 7 year old son a jigsaw to keep him occupied while I went to the pub. Unfortunately, when I returned I found he had managed to plug it in and cut 3 of his fingers off!!.

 

[hademall]

Krazy Karens

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I bet Diana wears that mask in bed, and her kids will be so traumatised they’ll never eat inside again!
Anna looks like she’s taken too much of her medication at once, and Penny jumps up and down about abuse, when she had no problem self abusing by pumping what seems like a gallon of Botox into her big mush! Ah such is life.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.
Nothing happened.
She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...
"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"

 

[vc commodore]

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.



It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.




'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.





'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.

'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one!
You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'



With that the robotimmediately walked around toMarsha and knocked herout of her chair.

 

[vc commodore]

A blonde goes into the cleaners and drops off a blouse to be dry-cleaned.

As she is leaving, the man behind the counter says 'Come again'.

The blonde stops and says, 'No, its mustard this time'.