Welcome to Just Commodores, a site specifically designed for all people who share the same passion as yourself.

New Posts Contact us

Just Commodores Forum Community

It takes just a moment to join our fantastic community

Register

Joke of the Day

Tatiana

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Nov 30, 2003
Messages
2,474
Reaction score
347
Points
83
Location
Land of the free
Members Ride
Equinox LTZ - runs on cocaine
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on! You're a duck.'
'I see your eyes are working,' replies the duck.
'And you can talk!' exclaims the barman.
'I see your ears are working, too,' says the duck. 'Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?'
'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. 'It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?'
'I'm working on the building site across the road,' explains the duck. 'I'm a plasterer.'
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him 'You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!'
'Sounds marvelous,' says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. 'Get him to give me a call.'
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 'Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.'
'I'm always looking for the next job,' says the duck. 'Where is it?'
'At the circus,' says the barman.
'The circus?' repeats the duck.
'That's right,' replies the barman.
'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place with the big tent?'
'Yeah,' the barman replies.
'With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?' says the duck.
'Of course,' the barman replies.
'And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?' persists the duck.
'That's right!' says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .
..
..
..
..
'What the hell would they want with a plasterer??!'
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
A major International company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.
The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.
The first from Canada, says "My answer is, there IS no answer."
The second, from New Zealand, says My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given."
The third one from Australia says "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names.
It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer."
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park…” then the electric power goes out.
Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
Why did the British wear red coats in battle?
During the royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat."
Many people have asked, "Why did the British wear red coats in battle?"
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
In his casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are wounded, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.
And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers!
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
Paddy was looking in the jeweller's shop window when an elephant came along, headbutted the window and hoovered up all the watches and jewellery with his trunk. Then he trundled off. Next, the cops arrive. "What exactly happened?" the cop asked. Paddy says, "It was an elephant. He headbutted the window and sucked everything up with his trunk." "Hmm" said the cop. "Was it African or Asian?" "It was a fookin elephant!" says Paddy. "Yes, but did it have big ears or small ears?" "Aw, couldn't tell ye" says Paddy. "He was wearing a balaclava".
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
A nursery school teacher says to her class: "Who can use the word definitely in a sentence?"
First little girl says: "The sky is definitely blue."
Teacher says: "Sorry,Amy but the sky can be grey,or orange."
The second little girl says: "Trees are definitely green."
"Sorry,but in the autumn trees are brown," says the teacher.
Little Johnny from the back off the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says: "Johnny! of course not!!!"
"Ok then." says Johnny: " I definitely shat my pants."
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, and then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"
"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
Paddy had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his wife had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what ? 'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. 'I'm beginning to think you're fkin bad luck..
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
Blonde Cookbook
MONDAY:
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY:
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY:
Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY:
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY:
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate Moose.
 

Mavericks Choice

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Messages
274
Reaction score
5,045
Points
93
Location
NSW
Members Ride
VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
My instructor for an online physics course I'm taking for my Masters just told me off and said I'm not taking it seriously. Apparently "My wife" is not an appropriate answer for an example of Critical Mass.
 
Top