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Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by Mavericks Choice, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    A young lad knocked on my door last night for Halloween and said, "Trick or Treat?"

    I said, "What have you come as?"

    He said, "A werewolf."

    I said, "But you haven't got a costume on you're just in normal clothes."

    He said, "Well it's not a full moon yet is it, ********!"
     
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  2. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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  3. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  4. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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  5. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    My doctor just told me, "I’m afraid you're going to die soon!"

    I think he's found out I’m sleeping with his wife!
     
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  6. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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  7. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    A Rabbi, Hindu and The Lawyer

    Three friends, a Rabbi, a Hindu holy man and a lawyer, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

    The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

    "No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "my people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening in their memory." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

    Moments later a knock was heard at the farmer's door. The farmer opened the door and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, good sir, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

    His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurred. There was a knock on the farmer's door. "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asked. The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country, cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground."

    Well, that left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door.

    Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door and there stood the pig and the cow.
     
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  8. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    I know, is a shltty joke.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2018
    hiker, VS_Pete, rucxy and 2 others like this.
  9. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

    "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

    "O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the midwife.

    "No, no boyfriend either."

    "Do you have a partner then?"

    "No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

    After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman: "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."

    "Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was black."

    "Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

    "Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see, the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

    "Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

    "Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

    At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt.

    The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!"

    "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

    "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."

    The midwife fainted.
     
  10. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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    A Blind man was getting his prostate checked and he said...

    Blind: Doc, can I hold your dick?

    Doc: Are you gay?

    Blind: No, I just want to make sure that is your finger in my ass....
     
  11. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  12. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
     
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  13. ephect

    ephect Donating Member

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    Dating a single mother is like continuing someone else's save game
     
  14. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    My wife told me to go to the doctors to get some of those tablets that help get an erection.

    You should have seen her face when i came back and tossed her some diet pills.

    I am now homeless.
     
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