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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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A man walks into the Election office, says to the receptionist:
"I would like to put my name in the hat for the forthcoming elections
to be an Independent candidate.
The receptionist replied, "Certainly sir Please fill out this form.''
He was filling the form until he came to the question, ''Are you circumcised?''
So he asked the receptionist "Is that question necessary?"
She replied, "If you are circumcised you are not eligible".
He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised?
She replied, "To become a politician, you have to be a complete prick"
 

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Pat and Mick were crossing the bog on their way home from cutting turf, when they found three hand grenades on the heather. "Careful there Mick," says pat. We will bring them to the Guards and let them look after them. Mind how you handle them or they could explode." Mick asks, "Supposing one of them exploded, what would we do?" "Arrah ", says pat, "We'll tell them we only found two."
 

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As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said "Have a good day, son"
"Don't call me son. You are not my dad", I replied sarcastically
As the doors closed, he looked me in the eye and said "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?
 

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Boris johnson - “Some parts of Britain there are 3 generations of families where nobody has ever worked..
He's either referring to Buckingham Palace or Liverpool...!
 

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Montana must have the only truly humane mountains in the world. I was driving thru a mountain pass and they had a sign that said pass with care. I was astounded I had no idea mountain passes could have feelings!
 

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There was a ruckus going on down the street.
One of the rioters threw a brick through our kitchen window and hit my wife on the head, knocking her out. I ran outside and chased the bastard down. I dragged him back to the house and pointed to my bloodied wife in a heap on the floor.
I pulled out a knife and said, "It's time to face the consequences of your actions."
Shaking, he said, "What are you going to do?"
"Me?" I replied, handing him the knife. "I'm not going to do anything. YOU'RE going to finish making my sandwich."
 

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Paddy and English George were in a pub. George says to Paddy, "if you had to choose between money and knowledge, what would you pick". Paddy said money. George laughed and said "you Irish, I would have picked knowledge". Paddy calmly replied, "good choice George, I lacked money, but you being English you lacked knowledge.
 

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A giant gorilla gatecrashed the world table tennis championship in China last night... The local media reported the event by saying ....
There was a King Kong ding dong at the Hong Kong ping pong!!
 

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Paddy and Mick have been planning a holiday but Covid has been stifling their plans. Paddy says he’ll go see what he can do. He comes back with a box of tampons. Mick asks what the hell are these things? Paddy replies “Well apparently if you use these you can swim, scuba dive, play tennis and golf and you can’t do any of these things right now.”
 

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Paddy asked his girlfriend for a clue as to wot he was getting for his birthday . She winked at him and said it starts with F and ends in UCK . "Oh my god" said Paddy "I'm getting a Firetruck!!
 
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