Joke of the Day

[VS 5.0]

Scomo is visiting a remote regional seat.

He is talking to the local mayor and asks is there anything he can do for your community (obviously while being filmed by the media).

The mayor replies we only really have two major problems here.

Scomo asks what are they.

Mayor replies we have no medical Doctor in town.

Scomo whips out his mobile and talks into it for sometime then turns to mayor and says your problem is fixed.

Then asks what is your second problem?.

The mayor says we don't have any mobile phone reception.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"

 

[hademall]

My mother-in-law.
“Every night she covers her face in mud and puts rollers in her hair.”
“Does it help?”
“A little. But I can still tell it’s her.”

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Tried a new Chinese restaurant last night, the meal was terrible so I decided to complain. A fat little man came up to me
'You complain about food? I am Fook Hing The Head Chef'
Well in that case, give him one for me as that meal was shite, I replied!!..

 

[hademall]

“Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!!!”
“I’m not surprised, we’ve amputated your hands.”

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I started my new job today.
My boss handed me a fiver and said, "First things first, I need you to go down to the shops and buy me a glass hammer, a skirting board ladder and a bubble for a spirit level."
I laughed and said, "Do you really think I'm that flamin stupid?"
"What do you mean ?" He sniggered.
I said, "That lot is going to cost more than a fiver."

 

[hademall]

The leading manufacturer of imported vibrators is a Japanese firm called Genital Electric.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

What's the hardest part of telling your son he's adopted?
For me it was learning Chinese.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Two dyslexic skiers stood at top of a mountain:
One says. "I'm gonna zag zig down now."
The other says. "It’s not zag zig its zig zag."
They argue for a while then one says. "Let’s ski down and ask that bloke down there."
They reach him. "Excuse me mate, is it zig zag down the mountain or zag zig?"
He answers. "Don't ask me, I'm a tobogganist."
"Oh." They say. "Well give us 20 Benson & Hedges and a box of matches then!

 

[hademall]

The dyslexic pimp. He bought a warehouse.