Joke of the Day

[hademall]

Two Vicroads workers are on their way to a job with a truck load of shovels when they get caught in a massive traffic jam. The driver says to his mate, “Phone the job site and tell them we’re going to be about two hours late, so they’ll have to lean on each other.”

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A father and son walk past a brothel and the son asks....
Son, "Dad, what is this place?"
Father, "It`s a happyhouse, you can buy happiness in there."
The next day the son goes to the happyhouse, rings the bell and the Madam opens the door.
The boy says, "Hello, I have $8 and want to buy some happiness."
The Madam escorts him to the kitchen and prepares 8 slices of bread with Nutella.
Later that day dad comes home from work and finds his son exhausted on the couch and asks...
Father, "What`s wrong?"
Son, "I went to the happy house today, best I could do was 5, the last 3 I only licked.

 

[vc commodore]

Drive your partner crazy.....Don't talk in your sleep, just smile

What should you give a man that has everything?

A woman to show him how everything works...(No offense to our female members either)

 

[Mavericks Choice]

One day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah, I want you to make me a new Ark".
Noah replies, "No probs God, anything you want after all you're the boss". But God interrupts, "Ah but there's a catch this time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, ..... I want 20 decks one on top of the other". "20 DECKS!", screams Noah, "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say, should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
"Yep, that's right, well ..... sort of right.......this time I want you to fill it up with fish" God answers. "Fish?" Queries Noah. "Yep, fish ... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp, wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!" Noah looks to the skies, "OK God, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?" "Check". With 20 decks, one on top of the other?". "Check". "And you want it full of Carp?". "Check" "But why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.
"Well...." says God, "I just thought it would be nice to have a Multi-Storey Carp Ark"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.
He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing,
“you are the reason I fight with my wife”.
He smashed the second bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t love my children”.
He smashed the third bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t have a decent job”.
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full.
He hesitated for only a moment and said
“you stand aside, I know you were not involved”.

 

[Rocketeer]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A new building went up on a suburban link road. It was a cluster of three shops with identical fronts.
A Greek greengrocer bought the first, telling the developer he would set up a nice fresh produce store. He chose the shop on the left so as to get the morning business. It would have a sign over the door that read, ‘Con’s Fruit and Veges.’
A Chinese market gardener bought the one on the right. He told the developer he, too, would establish a fresh produce shop and expected to get the home-bound afternoon traffic. His sign over the door would read, ‘Freshest Produce.’
Old mate John bought the shop in the middle and said his intention was to have a fresh produce shop. The developer was a bit surprised and asked what signage he’d have above the door. John answered, ‘Main Entrance’.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I went in for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who can be responsible".
"Well I'm your guy!" I replied,
The manager said "Why's that then?"
I smiled and said "At my old job, whenever something went wrong, they said I was always responsible."

 

[lmoengnr]

 

[lmoengnr]