Joke of the Day

[1985VK]

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs are phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up, she's been going out with "the girls" a lot recently, but when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them.." I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide next to the garage behind my boat so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls". When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind the boat, that I noticed some hairline cracks in my gelcoat, right were the hull meets the transom of my boat.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take the boat to the shop for repairs?

 

[Mavericks Choice]

My secretary ran into the office looking upset. "This is terrible," she said. "I'm so sorry I'm so late." "You're not late, it's only 8:55," I replied. "Yes, I am," she sobbed, "5 weeks. I think it's time we told your wife."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I was lying in bed next to my wife the other night and said to her, "your double chin is getting bigger. Why don't you try and do something about it?"
She looked at me with tears in her eyes, "Okay then fine. I will if it makes you happy."
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she goes and grows a frigging beard.

 

[Skydrol]

 

[VZ SV6 REBUILD]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Apparently all the clocks in my house stop working when I go to the pub
Because every time I get home my old lady goes “And what fkn time do you call this then eh?”

 

[Skydrol]

Yes, this dingbat must be shrooming...

 

[rucxy]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Me and my wife were called in to see my teenage sons Headmaster yesterday. He said, “Are you aware of what he’s been up to after school?” I said, “He told us he was doing table tennis.” The Head said, “He’s certainly been doing Ping Pong…Unfortunately she’s his Chinese maths teacher.”

 

[1985VK]

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Students: "Homework!"