Joke of the Day

[ephect]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, the teacher was concerned and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Our house is very small, me, my mum, and my dad we sleep on the same bed. Last night my dad asked, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' When I said No, he slapped my face and gave me a Black eye."

Teacher said, "The next time when your dad asks if you're sleeping, keep dead quiet and don't answer."
...
The following morning Johnny comes back with two black eyes.

The teacher by now very worried asked,"My god, why have you now got two black eyes? I thought I told you to say nothing."

Johnny Replied, "Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' And I shut up and kept dead still. Then my dad and my mum started moving, you know at the same time mum was breathing all funny, kicking her legs up in the air and squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, 'Are you coming?' Mom said, 'Yes I'm coming, are u coming too?' Dad answered, 'Yes!'

They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, "Wait for me, I'm coming too..."

 

[Skydrol]

LGBT food?

 

[Mavericks Choice]

At school Little Tommy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Tommy decides to go home and try it out.

He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him £10 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him £20 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The postman immediately drops the post, opens his arms, and says:

"Then come give your daddy a great big hug"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I had an uncle who stole 100 pairs of trainers from a sports shop. He was on the run for 27 years.

 

[ephect]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I went to the doctors and I said "I can't sleep at night, I keep thinking about Chinese food."
He said "It sounds like dimsumnia."

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

My wife got back from shopping and said to me: "I spent 10 minutes trying to unlock someone else's car earlier. I swear, sometimes I think I'm retarded, haha!" "Don't worry, I do that all the time!" I replied. "What? Mix up our car with a different one?" she said. "No, think you're retarded."