Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

Paddy phoned his boss's mobile.
"I'm on the train heading to the south coast now."
"What..?" his boss replied, sounding a bit annoyed.
"It's five o'clock in the bloody morning,
what are you doing on a train?"
"You tell me," Paddy replied.
"You're the one who told me to be in Brighton early this morning.....

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.”
She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A group of Irish lads are out in Spain on holidays..
On one of their nights out they encountered a young man from Dublin.
He was so drunk that he could hardly stand.
The lads asked him his name and he said; "Phillip Maguire."
The lads told him; " It's not safe being here on your own. We are going to look after you! "
So for the rest of the holiday the lads looked after Phillip.
He was filled with booze day in and day out.
Philip tried to explain something to them but the lads just said; " Dont you worry pal, you are in good hands! We are going to look after and make sure that you have a great holiday."
When the holiday was over the lads took Phillip back with them.
"Which part of Dublin are you from?" They asked him.
"Ballyfermot! "He muttered.
So they headed to Ballyfermot and went to the address that Phillip had given them.
When they arrived one of the lads went to check it it was the correct address.
He went up to the door and rang the bell.
A woman answered; " Hello, can I help you?"
"Yes! " The lads answered; "I was wondering is this the home of Philip Maguire?"
" Why yes it is. But he's not here. He is over in Spain on his honeymoon...!"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

My son is three-years-old and I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket. Now, I didn"t buy it and he certainly didn"t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping centre - and took him to the jewellers....

 

[Mavericks Choice]

EVER WONDER ...?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

 

[Mavericks Choice]

An American walks into an Aussie pub and says,
"This place looks like the ass end of the world."
"Just passing through, are you?" replies the bartender.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The wife just challenged me to an online high-pitched sound hearing test. "The dogs are going mental but how can you still hear something?" She asked. "I'm a married man," I replied, " we're used to whiny, drawn-out, unpleasant screeching noises."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

All these months of doom and gloom headlines about the pandemic, wishing for that one positive headline. Something to cheer your heart and make all the isolation, queues, sanitising etc.... worthwhile and give the nation something to celebrate.
Britain’s got talent cancelled until 2022. !.... That will do nicely.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

O’Toole applied for a forklift job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.
A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to O’Toole and said: "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job."
And why would you be doing that? replied O'Toole, "We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job?"
The manager responded, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?"
That's simple. On question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down - 'I don't know.'
You wrote - 'Neither do I

 

[Skydrol]