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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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I walked passed the YMCA today, and there was a teenage boy sat outside stroking some feathers...
I said, "Young man, there's no need to feel down!"
 

Mavericks Choice

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Went to a Chinese restaurant and got a fortune cookie that said:
"Be not afraid to walk through the door of opportunity"
So I left without fooking paying!!..
 

Rocketeer

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An Australian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American Tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Australian politely ignored the American, who nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum & said "You Australian folk eat the whole piece of bread?".

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

The American blew a huge bubble, "We don't.

In the States we only eat what’s inside, the crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia".

The American had a smirk on his face.

The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted...

"D'ya eat jam with the bread?"

Sighing, the Australian replied "Of Course".

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said,

"We don't. In the states, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and left-overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia".

The Australian then asked "Do you have sex in the states?".

The American smiled and said "Why of course we do".

The Australian leaned closer to him and asked

"And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?

"We throw them away of course"

Now it was the Australians turn to smile....

"We don't, In Australia we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down & turn them into chewing gum & sell them to the United States....
 

Mavericks Choice

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I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
 

Mavericks Choice

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Talking in Code
A young man in a Audi yelled at Susie and her friend, "Hey, Susie! How ya doin'?"
Susie yelled back, "Hi, Sixty-Four! Doing great. See you later."
Susie's friend thought Sixty-Four was an odd name and commented so.
Susie explained, "That's because he has six inches, but he's good for four times a night."
Later, a guy in a BMW yelled out and Susie yelled back, "Hey, Seventy-Two! How are things?"
"Seventy-Two?” asked her friend.
Susie explained, "He has seven inches, but he's only good for twice a night."
Then a guy rode past on a bicycle and gave Susie gave a shout.
She replied, "Hey, Johnny Walker! How's it going?"
When he was out of sight, Susie's friend said, "Wait a minute. I know him. His name isn't Johnny Walker. Johnny Walker is a liquor."
Susie replied, "So... you've broken my code already!"
 

Mavericks Choice

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An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'
George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off.
''Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the Doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' he says, 'George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The light goes off?'
'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's pissing in the fridge again!!
 

Crunchy Granola

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A man walks into a doctors office and says "Doctor, how do I tell the difference between Crabs and Lobsters ?. The doc replies That's easy Crabs walk sideways sort of left and right. Lobsters on the other hand walk in a forwards and backwards motion. Oh **** the man says, I think I've got Lobsters !!!.
 

Mavericks Choice

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A man is playing the piano softly one night in a downtown bar.
In walks an elephant who goes over to the pianist, and suddenly starts to cry.
"There, there", says the pianist "Do you recognize the song?"
"No, no," says the elephant "I recognize the keys."
 
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